Subhanallah. This is
Honestly, I dont really know what to suggest. I fear that my suggestion my might be the cause you turn away from Islam, for my knowledge and wisdom is so limited. I really dont want that to happen.
Maybe you can consider this: Find out more about Islam. Get to know PRACTICING Muslims. Attend talks. & get in contact with reverts (muslim converts) and ask them why they chose to embrace this religion.:)
Sorry if this doesnt help at all. We all shall pray for your well-being.
May you find that missing piece which would make this whole picture clearer for you - so clear that you would be willing and longing to take that leap of Faith. La’allallah yaftah qalbakum. Amin.:D