Salam, Sis.
We know how you feel - the agony and disappointment of not achieving what you have targeted, despite having put lots of effort. Isbir, Ukhti. (Patience, Sis.)
Allah has chosen to put you through this because He knows what is best for you. As cliche as it may sound, trust me on this, it is true. There are 3 “directions” to look at, or reflect, when one is faced with sadness: Past, Present and Future.
Past
It is possible that Allah wants you to reflect on your past. The efforts you’ve put in, could it be better or more effective? How was your relationship with Him in midst of all the busyness? Maybe, things could have been better and He wants you to know it. Maybe He is sending signals to you. If you can’t find any answers from the past, you could move on to reflect on your Present.
Present
It could be that Allah is testing you and your faith in Him. Would this one minor ”failure” (minor because it could have been worse) and disappointment bring you closer to Him or further away? Ask yourself, how are you feeling now? Has this sadness led to you seek for Him or are you more distant? Maybe, this is a test. Suggestion: Go talk to Him, after your night prayers when it is most serene & ask for guidance and forgiveness. InshaAllah, you will feel better and stronger. If it still doesn’t make you feel better fully, just keep on doing consistent Muhasabah, and I am sure you’ll see the Hikmah one day in the Future.
Future
Ask around, especially your seniors. Most of them should be able to share their stories about failures which happen to be blessing-in-disguise! I would love to share mine, but that would only made this post longer. haha. InshaAllah, I pray that one day you can reflect and say, “Alhamdulillah, I am thankful that this happened. Indeed Allah is the All-knowing and He knows what is best for me.” Amin.
Just be patient for now, Sis, and submit everything to Him. All will be well, inshaAllah.
From the Quran for us to internalise:
- “Allah will not burden anyone, beyond his/her capacity (2:286)”
- “If you are grateful, I will certainly give you increase, but if you are ungrateful, my punishment is severe. (14:7)
Here is one supplication that our Prophet (S.A.W.) had recited repeatedly and had thought one of his Sahabahs when he was seen in distress:
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْهَمِّ وَالْحُزْنِ وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ , وَالْبُخْلِ وَالْجُبْنِ وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ ,وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ
Allahumma inni a’udhu bika minal-hammi wal-Ḥuzni wal-’ajazi wal-kasli wal-bukhli wal-jubni wa ḍala’id-dayni waghalabatir-rijal.
O Allah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men.
I really hope this could somewhat help you, Sis. May Allah lend us strength in facing our difficult times.
ps. If anyone has anything to share with regards to this matter, feel free to do so. :)
Wassalam.